Dear Ed …

Dear Ed

I'm looking for a skilled, trained and accredited editor to do some editing work for me so that I can get on with more highly paid and productive work. Are you interested in the job? Please look at the attached documents then get back to me.

Rod M. Duplex-Balconette

Dear Rod,

I hate you. There, I've got that out of the way. Why don't you pop out for a three-hour lunch while I think about how I can possibly answer your email without filling it with what Great-Aunt Maude called 'blue language'.

Okay, I've had a chance to think about it. I don't know how well the word 'exploitation' stacks up in your lexicon. Perhaps it doesn't stack up at all; perhaps you don't even know what the word means. As my barber says, “It's easy to be greedy and it's hard not to be.” (But that's okay; he charges a flat fee of $25 per head no matter what shape it is and you know you'll have less hair when you come out than when you went in, so it's a pretty straightforward transaction.)

I've looked at the documents you sent me. They are poorly structured, the content is repetitious and boring, and they are littered with grammatical errors. That's the good news. By inference, the work you want done on these documents is poorly paid and unproductive. I'd suggest the opposite: unless these documents are straightened out and have some kind of logical order imposed on them, your marketing strategy will fail and you will never recoup your product development costs.

Up yours truly,